Starting with love and conversation

Our 15 year old niece moved in with us last week.  Admittedly, it has been a bit of a transition (and will continue to be until we settle on a routine), but she is absolutely delightful to be around.  She is insightful, has a wonderful sense of humor and is amazing with my daughter.

My niece hugs and kisses my daughter as they take selfies in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to find out, it isn't easy being a teenager in this day and age.  In the week that she has been with us, I've seen more than a few tears shed over bad 'friends' and mean spirited comments over social media.  There is no escaping the bullies, and that is frightening.  It also makes me think, our children are hurting, and hurting leads to anger.  So, how do we grow strong children, able to weather bad 'friends' and mean spirited comments?  And, how do we get our children to see the hurt behind someone else's anger?

I'm not entirely sure, but I am certain the answer starts with modeling and talking about love, compassion, strength.  Thankfully, the beginning of school presents the perfect opportunity for us to sit down with the children in our charge and talk openly about these things - What does bullying look like?  What do you feel like when you are bullied or see someone being bullied?  What do you do?  What do our 7 principles tell us to do?  How hard or easy is it to do the right thing?  What about the bully?

I've heard recently that the most important person in any bullying situation is the bystander.  If the bystander is silent, the bully feels justified and the victim feels he 'deserves' it.  However, if the bystander speaks up, says 'stop' or 'no,' then the bully doesn't feel supported by his peers, and the victim does.  Interesting stuff, no?

As 'back to school' approaches, I hope you will sit down with your children and talk about these important issues.  Then, throughout the school year, you can continue the discussion.  Instead of telling them to "Have a nice day!" remind them of who they are with sendoff's like "Remember to honor your classsmates' inherent worth an dignity today!" and "Principle 2: Be kind in all you do today!"  These UU-rooted send-offs will not only help your child live his/her UU principles, but they are sure to spark conversation as the bus stop with other parents, too.  And, who knows, by the end of the year, maybe every child on your child's bus will be 'building a fair and peaceful world (principle 7).'

Unitarian Universalist's 7 principles, children's version.

Wishing you love, compassion and strength in the oncoming chaos of back to school!

- Ms. Meredith